GUNNER JOE.

By Marriott Edgar & Wolseley Charles

(as performed by Stanley Holloway)

I'll tell you a seafaring story,

Of a lad who won honour and fame

Wi' Nelson at Battle Trafalgar

Joe Moggeridge, that were his name.

He were one of the crew of the Victory,

His job when a battle begun

Was to take cannon balls out o' basket

And shove 'em down front end o' gun.

One day him and Nelson were boxing

The compass, like sailor lads do,

When 'Ardy comes up wi' a spyglass

And pointing, says "Ere, take a screw!'

They looked to where 'Ardy were pointing

And saw lots o' ships in a row.

Joe says abrupt-like but respectful,

"Oratio lad, yon's the foe.'

'What say we attack 'em?' says Nelson, 

Says Joe, 'Nay, lad, not today,'

And 'Ardy says, 'Aye! well, let's toss up.

'Oratio answers 'Okay.'

They tossed, it were heads for attacking

And tails for t'other way 'bout.

Joe lent them 'is two-headed penny,

So the answer was never in doubt.

When penny carne down 'ead side uppards,

They was in for a do it were plain,

And Joe murmur'd 'Shiver my timbers,'

And Nelson kiss'd 'Ardy again.

And then, taking flags out o' locker,

'E strung out a message on high;

'Twere all about England and duty

Crew thought they was 'ung out to dry.

They got the guns ready for action,

And that gave 'em trouble enough,

They 'adn't been fired all the summer

And touch holes were bunged up wi' fluff.

Joe's cannon it weren't 'alf a corker,

The cannon balls went three foot round,

They wasn't no toy balloons neither,

They weigh'd close on sixty five pound.

Joe, selecting two of the largest,

Was going to load double for luck,

When a hot shot came in thro' the porthole

And Gun powder barrels got struck

By gum! there weren't 'alf an explosion,

The gun crew was filled wi' alarm

As out of the porthole went Joseph

With a cannon ball under each arm.

At that moment up came the 'Boatswine',

He says 'Where's Joe?'

Gunner replied "E's taken two cannon balls with 'im

And gone for a breather outside.'

'Do y’think he'll be long?' says the 'Boatswine',

The gunner replied 'lf as 'ow

'E comes back as quick as 'e left us,

'E should be 'ere any time now.'

And all this time Joe, treading water,

Was trying 'is 'ardest to float.

'E shouted thro' turmoil of battle

'Tell someone to lower a boat.'

'E'd come to the top for assistance,

Then down to the bottom 'e'd go;

This up and down kind of existence

Made ev'ryone laugh except Joe.

At last 'e could stand it no longer,

And next time 'e came to the top

'E said I if you don't come and save me

I'll let these 'ere cannon balls drop.'

'Twere Nelson at finish who saved him

An 'e said Joe deserved the V.C.,

But finding 'e 'adn't one 'andy

'E gave Joe an egg for 'is tea.

And after the battle was over,

And vessel was safely in dock,

The sailors all saved up their coupons

And bought Joe a nice marble clock.